happy pastry day!!

every year it lost in the shuffle. smack dab in the middle of the most food centric holiday season - nestled among the thanksgiving pumpkin pie, the hannaukha jelly donuts, the eiz ma’moul, and flood of christmas cookies you'll find national pastry day.

i'm a little dismayed that such a yummy holiday is not getting the attention it deserves. despite the good baking weather, autumn through spring is too snack centric to let this holiday shine. from halloween to new years, i find myself earlobe beep in sweet treats. then february ushers in the romantic season of chocolates, strawberries and the distinctive flavor of glue from licking all those valentine envelopes. chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and marshmallow chickens burst on the scene as spring is busting out all over.

the way i see it, summer is when this holiday can really step into the lime light. i won't dispute that this is traditionally snow cone and ice cream season (or hot cocoa season if you're in the southern hemisphere), but basically it's bit of a pastry wasteland.

ok, june is a pastry chef's nightmare with wedding cakes galore, but, unless you're committed to a serious schedule of wedding crashing, it's the start of the pastry dry spell. i think a nice pastry centric holiday in july or august would be just the ticket. i haven't nailed down a date yet. i'm thinking of a spontaneous holiday where you can just whip up a batch of profiteroles or a plate of cookies on a whim. then while singing the official pastry day anthem the treats are loving exchanged with friend and foe in a gesture of tasty goodwill.

i'm sure president elect obama has this on the top of his agenda. (i think i'm shortlisted for the position of snack czar!)

then again, every day is pastry day at my house,

enjoy whipping up some treats yourself!

• clotilde's fabulous and easy to make chocolate cake
• meringue kisses
• shortbread cookies
• panda cupcakes
• key lime pie (quick version too!)
• holiday fruitcake (the secret family recipe)
• amazing sour cream lemon pie
• rice crispie treats
• rock cakes
• craig's gran's apple crumble
  

ask monkey - all that's steeped is not tea

dear monkey,

i asked for a cup of tea at cafe today and was bombarded with a staggering list of choices: white, green, black, pooh air, oolong, red, herbal, mushroom, elixer, ginseng and matte. it was all so much, that i opted for orange juice. can you help me naviate through the tea jungle?

thirsty for knowledge,
leif

dear leif,

camellia sennesis is not a foreign film star. it's the official name of the nobel bush that is the source of all genuine tea. originating in asia, this plucky little plant has been the basis of refreshing beverages, medicinal preparations, and colorful legends for thousands of years. white, green, black, ooling and even the trendy puh err all come from the same plant. what varies is the growing, harvesting and processing that gives each type of tea it's distinct charachteristics.

so, if the cup in front of you holds a liquid made from herbs, bark, twigs or berries you're looking at an infusion. like teas, their varieties seem to be endless. either way you go - tea or infusion - it's a cavalcade of beverage adventure. i heartily enocourage you to jump in and splash around!

ask monkey - autumn leaves

dear monkey,

when autumn comes, the trees transform into a brilliant palate of colors that are almost good enough to eat. how, i ask you, how does this happen? i must know.

tortured until you reply,
v van gough

dear vincent,

you seem like a guy who understands pigment and this is all about the pigment. those little powerhouses of photosynthesis that we call leaves are chock full of glorious colors all year long. the problem is, they are always being upstaged by boisterous chlorophyll. from spring to fall, you see him everywhere - from pale spring grass to deep forest green. he's always on the job making sure to do his part for photosynthesis and being the best green he can be. (green is the new black, you know!) sadly, he can't keep up his fast paced lifestyle and he starts to wear out and fade. who wouldn't? finally the patient carotene with her vibrant palate of reds, oranges and yellows takes center stage and is recognized for their fine display of what the fashionable leaves are wearing this autumn.

ask monkey - fruitcake legalitise

Dear monkey--

I have heard that the laws regulating fruitcake vary from state to state. For instance, it is rumored that in Kansas it is illegal to transport a fruitcake in a moving vehicle. A "DWF" will land you in the pokey for up to 48 hours for the first offense. I have also heard of people who so load their fruitcakes with high-proof alcohol via ingenious spray or diffusion devices they could possibly be charged with operating their own illegal still in Vermont or Utah.

Can you please provide a synopsis of fruitcake-related laws in the United States of America for those members of your reading public who are conscientious quick bread consumers?

Thank you in advance,

A candied orange peel in Montana.

dear emma,

the supreme court has ruled that each state must legislate their own laws regarding fruitcake procurement and transport. as we have seen from your examples these laws are diverse and complicated, so, if you are interested in handling a fruitcake outside of your own home or transporting either across state line, i suggest that you become take a comprehensive course offered by your local chapter of the international fruitcake council. they offer programs from home fruitcake safety to internationally recognized licensure in the care and handling of fruitcake.

saddly, very little has been done to legislate the tastiness of fruitcakes. many mass produced fruitcakes, despite their promises popularity and worldliness, fall short of the level of scrumptiousness that i believe a fruitcake should possess. just remember, homemade is always the best. second best is fruitcake made by any trappist monks. i don't know about fruitcakes made by nuns, since i have not tasted one... yet.

comestibley yours,

monkey

ask monkey - cheesey rivalry?

Dear Monkey,

Is there some rivalry between goats and sheep
when it comes to the cheese department?

Always and forever,

Cheese Lover

dear cheese lover,

sadly, many cow-based cheese products would like you to think so. but, nothing is farther from the truth. goat and sheep cheeses have always lived happily besides one another in perfect harmony. they share similar interests and qualities such as tanginess, compassion and humility. i believe it is this humility that keeps these fine cheese from stealing the lime-light away from the boisterous celebrity cow cheeses that monopolize the cheese counters today.

while some cows have hired large pr firms to assure that they stay in the public's eye, goats and sheep prefer a more personal approach of getting to know their public personally. they are more emotionally secure cheeses always available for a taste but, are not offended if their unique flavor, texture or aroma is not to the tasters liking. it's a big world for them and they know that for everyone that does not fancy their cheesy goodness, someone else has sworn undying devotion to them.

so, next time you pass by a manchego, a feta or pecorino, stop and say hello. get to know these cheese and see if a spark of a friendship kindles. don't listen to those cow cheeses that speak ill of their cheese case companions. they are insecure and afraid they will loose their market dominance. if they would only take a moment to reach out and understand their artisanal neighbors they will see that the cheese counter is big enough for every type of cheese regarless of their age or origin.

similar rumors surrounding the yogurt and butter sections of the dairy case are also unfounded.

i think i'll go whip up a grilled cheese with cheddar, feta and manchego and hope that one day, all cheese will live in melty harmony as they do in my sandwich.

cheesily yours,

monkey