Sunday, November 25, 2007

blessed are the cheesemakers



as you know, i believe in promoting tolerance and understanding. naturally, i get concerned when someone stubbornly proclaims that they are lactose intolerant and unable to partake of any of the selections on the cheese platter or indulge in a comforting grilled cheese sandwich.

i am here today in the spirit of understanding to dispel those myths prejudicing the lactose challenged and swaying them from the the consumption of cheesey comestibles. yes, my abstaining friends, you can partake of cheese without fear of digestive revolt. ok, you can partake of some cheeses...those would be naturally lactose free cheeses.

i can hear you skeptics now: "if it is made with milk, it has lactose." well, according to cheese world insider
paula lambert, cheeses made with rennet and cultures are lactose free. rejoice!

you naysayers can turn to page 134 in the pop-up version of "monkey's complete guide to chemistry and the joy of cheese". as you can see, the belligerent lactose molecule meets the persuasive rennet and his roving band of cultures. a lively conversation ensues, lactose lets his guard down so he's easily converted, and gobbled up by the cultures. the evil lactose has been banished from the final cheese, forever.

please refer to the supplement "the curd among us - lactose's revenge" for the philosophical explanation of why cheese made by using an acid to curdle the milk still harbors lactose. it is clear in the series of glossy photos the offending molecules are not persuaded to convert and remain intact(and probably more than a little annoyed). and so, i say unto you, if your cheese is genuine and the ingredients contain the words rennet and cultures, it is wholesome and fit for all to partake of.


thus ends the today's teaching. now if the congregation will please turn to page 68 in your glorious cheese hymnal, let us all join together to sing "crescenza in carroza".

2 Comments:

Blogger Brook said...

I know you were thinking about me when you wrote this. The boy child did eat some "real cheese" and had no side affects.

9:00 PM, November 26, 2007  
Blogger hi!monkey said...

the truth will set you free!

10:37 PM, November 26, 2007  

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